About 18 months ago, during research on health-related topics, the conversation turned to attitudes towards vaccinations. Here’s a word-for-word quote from one participant: “The covid jab just makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I need more data.” After hearing this, one of the observers texted me: “Have her explain why she refuses to get vaccinated!” I didn’t ask that question. Instead, I asked the participant to tell me more.

After the group, the observer asked why I hadn’t posed his question. I pointed out that the participant hadn’t actually said that she refused to be vaccinated, only that she wasn’t comfortable and needed more information. As it turned out, she was pretty set against being vaccinated but – as a qualitative researcher – it is important that I focus on exactly what research participants have said, and not make assumptions about underlying meaning. Instead, my job is – through careful probing – to get participants themselves to reveal those hidden meanings.

This is a lesson I learned before I got into qualitive research. Back when I worked in brand management, I received training on giving constructive feedback to the people who reported to me. A key principle the instructor shared was that feedback must be solidly based on what employees have actually done. She advised against making assumptions about what was going on in that person’s head, but rather only to talk about observable, empirically verifiable actions. In other words, rather than accusing someone of being lazy and poorly organized, simply point out that they got to work 45 minutes late, and still haven’t delivered work due two days ago. I’ve taken that lesson to heart ever since.

This principle can apply to all aspects of life. Make a point of taking what people say at face value. If someone says ‘nice tattoo’ in a tone that seems insincere, don’t take the bait. Just say thanks. If somebody expresses a view with which you disagree or that you don’t understand, be sure that your response focuses on what has actually been said, without reading anything into it.  And make your response a question that gives the other person an opportunity to elaborate.

Making assumptions about people’s motivations is not conducive to civil discourse. Rather than reacting to what you think are a person’s beliefs and values, question them as specifically and precisely as you can – to better understand what they have actually said to you.  Because that’s what really matters.

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The following are some questions you can ask to help people clarify what they mean:

Can you tell me the story of how you came to this point of view?

I’m not sure I’m following – can you explain?

How do you think your view contrasts with the views of others?

Have any past experiences shaped your opinion on this?

Could you elaborate on that a bit?

I think I know what you mean, but could you please spell it out for me?

What do you think are the implications of your POV?

Have you always felt this way, or has your opinion changed over time?

When you say – keyword in what has just been said like ‘jackbooted thugs’ – what do you really mean by that?

So, there you have it – some questions that will enable people to explain their point of view without you making any assumptions