At a few social functions over the holidays, as well as in the media, I noticed the term ‘virtue signaling’ being used in a negative way. The notion that virtue signaling is somehow a bad thing seems to be increasingly common.

Let’s take a minute to define the term: virtue signaling is how you demonstrate you are a good person through opinions you express or personal behaviors you model. When somebody accuses you of it, the implication is that you’re ‘putting on a show’ or are ‘full of BS.’ Some examples of virtue signaling might include talking about your fat-free diet, wearing an “I support public radio” t-shirt, or bragging about your 80-hour work week.

People tend to find virtue signaling annoying, which creates friction in conversations and relationships. While it’s easy to disregard virtue signaling since it can be so off-putting, I recommend paying close attention to it for these reasons:

Everybody does it. If you think you don’t, think again. Homo Sapiens is the moral animal. Our sense of right and wrong is always front and center in our thoughts— it’s what sets us apart from other species. So, signaling morality to our fellow humans is as natural as breathing. We all do it, and we do it all the time. This presents a paradox: we do it ourselves, but we find it obnoxious in others. If you had run into me on election day back in November, you would have seen me wearing an ‘I voted’ sticker and an ‘I gave blood today’ sticker, and feeling very smug. You probably would have crossed the street to avoid talking to me.

It can tell you a lot about people and their values. Virtue signaling is a form of ‘morality by proxy.’ A proxy is something that represents the value of something else, so virtue signaling is a behavior that represents a moral value. Because we’re so attuned to morality as a species, we use personal attributes as proxies for moral character in others: physical beauty and wealth to name two. And, when we want others to notice our virtues, we signal them. You might do this by displaying your muscles at the gym or by making a show of your electric car.

So, when people virtue signal, they are telling you something about themselves that they believe is important – giving you a window into their self-image. This presents a great opportunity to learn more about them.

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I’ve certainly noticed when conducting qualitative research that participants sometimes try to put each other on the defensive or quash disagreement either by virtue signaling or by questioning the sincerity of others who are doing it. Here’s an example:

While moderating focus groups on educational software, talking to parents who homeschool, one mother of a 7-year-old said: “Obviously, I would never have my daughter use that. Everything she learns she gets from me.” Several other participants vigorously agreed. A dad who had a 14-year-old pushed back: “my daughter is doing stuff right now – particularly in math – that’s over my head. The software I bought is teaching her material I can’t.” The mom replied, “I just could never do that,” the dad accused her of “self-righteous BS,” and it went downhill from there.

A little later, after things had calmed down, I asked the anti-software mom, “what do you think that says about you as a parent?” She replied, “that I’m not willing to take shortcuts or make anything less than a full effort.” Another like-minded parent chimed in, “I think it says I’m an old-school homeschooler.” And, when I asked what ‘old-school’ meant to him, he said it meant he lives by “traditional values.” This led to a good conversation about ‘traditional values’ – what they are and what they have to do with homeschooling.

Pay attention to virtue signaling, but be careful about taking it at face value. While it can tell you a lot about how people see themselves, remember that they might be blowing smoke. The fact that you gave $50 to public radio last year – and are displaying the tote bag to prove it –  doesn’t by itself make you generous. The fact that you drive a Prius doesn’t make you a committed environmentalist.

Virtue signaling is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, it’s just a human thing. We can no more stop doing it than we can stop breathing. However, we can train ourselves to become more aware of it in ourselves and others. Try paying attention to the virtues you signal and how you go about that. Think about what kind of impression are you creating and, how it affects relationships and interactions with your fellow humans. As for other people’s virtue signaling, treat it as an opportunity to ask questions and get to know them better.